Archive for the 'Shopping' Category

Cold Calling

Published
by
Jon
on December 20, 2006
in Shopping
. 6 Comments

No PhoneOooh I hate it when companies phone me up to sell me things, especially crap companies, especially when I’m trying to cook the tea. So I registered with the Telephone Preference Service (TPS) and now I always complain when someone phones me. Here are some tips on how to complain successfully once you’ve registered and someone calls you.

  • Get a pen and some paper, you need to write everything down. Start off with the date and time.
  • Whatever the person asks you, say yes. You want to keep them on the phone as long as possible to get all the information you need for the complaint form. Be friendly, chatty and positive about what they’re selling. Get them hooked.
  • Don’t confirm your name, address or phone number and don’t give them any real financial information. If you have to give them a credit card number to keep them hooked, make one up.
  • At the point in the conversation where they ask for any of this vital data you need to gently start asking questions. Be careful, you don’t want to frighten them.
  • Confirm the name of the company they are calling from, ask where they are based.
  • If you have a computer nearby, Google the company name while you’re talking, or look them up on this list of registered companies. If you can’t find the name they gave you then you might need to be a bit more probing about who they’re working for.
  • Try to get a contact telephone number, say that you’d like to call them back. If they give you a real one that’s brilliant because you can phone it to confirm any missing details.
  • Ask them for the full address of the company they’re working for.
  • Ask them for their name, including their surname. This is probably when they’ll hang up.
  • If they’re still there try for some background information like the full name of their supervisor, what sort of database they got your number from, how many people are working in the call centre with them.
  • Don’t be nasty to them, this may be the only job they could find, but you could ask them whether they’ve heard of the TPS and whether they know that their company is breaking the Privacy and Electronic Communications (EC Directive) Regulations of 2003 by calling you.
  • Finally, fill in the handy online complaint form at the TPS and give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.

Since I’ve been complaining via the TPS I’ve had one very grovelling letter of apology from Satellite Direct UK who called me all the way from India to sell me insurance for a dish I would never dream of owning. I’ve got another complaint in the pipeline and I’m just about to make a third one about a company called UK Relations Ltd. of Hemel Hempstead who called me just now about something dodgy involving endowment mortgages. I hope I’m not going to start enjoying this, that would be just too sad.

The Bedside Crow: 101 Things you can’t do with Ama*on

Published
by
Jon
on December 20, 2006
in Briefly, London and Shopping
. 5 Comments

I used to dream of working in a bookshop when I was younger, but this blog by the man who runs the lovely one in Crystal Palace makes it sound like very hard work. He’s been posting recently about 101 Things you can’t do with Ama*on. Very funny.

Local shopping frustration

Published
by
Jon
on December 15, 2006
in Shopping
. 10 Comments

GHD ProfessionalMy partner said she wanted Hair Straighteners for her birthday, which is on the 24 December, which is why she’s called Carol, by the way, spookily. Anyway, I was very uninterested in buying her such a prosaic present, until a friend versed in the black arts of beauty told me that I should get her some GHD hair straighteners. “They are,” she said, “definitely the best (others are clearly nowhere near!)”.

And so I had a look on the web and she was right. Google was excited by GHD and when Google’s excited, I’m excited. I got to work finding the best version and the best deal. It turns out there’s a new model coming out next year, the Mark 4, but some people are already selling it in a gift set with a fancy bag which also has other things in it including Obedience Cream. Obviously a good Christmas present. Yesterday I knew less than nothing about the subject, today I have a strong opinion.

So then I thought, “never mind the extra expense, I’ll support my local shops and save myself the stress of waiting for a delivery.” I phoned Sally Hair & Beauty Supplies which is very nearby. Maybe I’m absurdly optimistic, maybe I should know better by now. The woman there denied that there was a new model coming out, she had never heard of a gift set, in fact she sounded irritated by my questions. “What subject could be more boring,” she seemed to be thinking, “than hair straighteners. Get a life.”

OK. I admit I’m a nerd. Maybe I do over-research every purchase, but I find it so disappointing that nearly every time I talk to anyone in a real-world shop they know less about what I’m buying than I do. Where’s the passion, the enthusiasm? Come on, local shopkeepers! We want to help you but you need to give at least one hoot about what you’re overcharging us for.

Zoundz - How could I not want one?

Published
by
Jon
on December 5, 2006
in Shopping and Technology
. 5 Comments

ZoundsRepetitive loop based electronic music? Unusual computer interfaces? Star-Trekky-looky gizmos? It’s my stock in trade, what I love best. Until I can afford the Grand-and-a-half that a Jazz Mutant Lemur costs I’m going to have to make do with a Zizzle Zoundz and if you know any similarly inclined children or adults you’d better get out there Googling because Hamleys don’t have them and Amazon won’t have any stock until next year.

What you do is put those cute plastic pawns on different glowing spots on the blobby base and, well, what I mean is it makes different sounds depending on where you put them, so it’s a bit like a little TR707 crossed with a game of 3D chess and an iceberg. OK, it’s not. It’s like a game of Simon but you don’t have to remember anything. Or maybe it’s more like childrens Garageband, or do you remember that quiz game where the professor pointed at the right answer? As the copywriter at Firebox said:

…trying to describe Zoundz is a bit like trying to describe sausage meat through the medium of dance…

Anyway, the white piece lets you record your voice or other sounds to add to the mix! Mine’s arriving on Friday but if you’ve already got me one for Christmas, don’t worry, I’m already looking for another one so I can try fitting a USB interface into it.

Zoundz - The Music Making Sculpture Gizmo

Plus, if you visit the Zizzle site you can watch an advert for the Zounds featuring the world’s most badly mixed voice-over.

LOVE

Published
by
Jon
on November 18, 2006
in Art and Shopping
. 1 Comment

LoveI’m listening to the new Beatles compilation album - Love. It’s depressing not because it’s badly done but because it is so very tame and polite. The tracks have been a bit remixed, a bit remastered, some little things have been added here and there but it’s really just a greatest hits album and it suffers from the same empty feeling that all such compilations have. Alexis Petridis at the Guardian loves it but I’d buy virtually any of their original releases rather than this, even if they do sound “tinny and desperately malnourished”. Maybe that’s because I like my rock stars unhealthy and angry rather than plump and self-satisfied.

LOVE

Machinery - How it works

Published
by
Jon
on November 16, 2006
in Shopping and Technology
. 3 Comments

Used and new brushesOur washing machine stopped working at the weekend. It did everything that is was supposed to, the water ran in and out again, but the clothes never got washed.
A washing machine doesn’t look dangerous so I felt that I should be able to mend it. I carefully laid it on its front and unscrewed the back. Inside there were wires and pipes, an electronic thing, a big wheel and a little wheel. The big wheel was attached to the drum where my wife puts the washing and there was a large elastic band between it and the little wheel. The little wheel was on the front of a complicated thing. The complicated thing had electrical wires going it to it but no pipes. Everything inside the washing machine was covered in black dust.
I could tell that the complicated thing (I call it the convertor) must be the device that caused the washing to happen because it had the most black dust. I removed it from the machine by undoing some big bolts.
When I had it on the kitchen table I discovered how washing machines work. The convertor has two channels leading into it, each containing a stick of very, very concentrated dirty black stuff which is driven by a spring into the mechanism. Obviously the black dust corresponds to the cleanness that the machine imparts to the clothes. The convertor uses the rotation of the washing to change the dirtyness of the black stuff into electrical cleanness which is then fed into the clothes by the rest of the machine. I’m surprised that the manufacturer doesn’t provide a receptacle in which the dirtiness can be collected, it must be a cost-saving measure.
I looked on the interweb and found a shop that sells suitable sticks of black stuff. They only cost £15 for a pair! They describe them as brushes because they ‘brush’ the clothes clean. I suppose they have to use these quaint old-fashoned names because most of their customers don’t have my technical bent.
The washing machine is now working perfectly. My next project will be the microwave oven, which seems to have nearly used up all its microwaves. I have a plan to replenish them using some tin-foil, a load of old batteries and the buzzer from a Goblin Teasmade.

X-RATED - Xmas Shopping

Published
by
Jon
on October 24, 2006
in Art and Shopping
. 2 Comments

Come one, come all!What would you think about someone who had a 70s porn film poster up on their wall? A bit tacky, maybe just a bit shallow, perhaps they just don’t think very much about what things mean? But then there’s no denying that the images are great, cool, even alluring, plus when you look at them you realise that modern design is often just a rather weedy imitation of these soft-core classics. So many things are chic only when you ignore what they really are.
When I first came across this site, a well organised and presented collection of “over 350 original American X-rated movie posters”, I did initially think “Ooh, great Christmas present for someone”. But then, of course, I wondered who, exactly? Nobody I know, that’s who. And would I actually put one on the wall, would I shell out £75 for one? Not really. So why do I still really love these designs? There’s something amiss.

X-RATED - Adult movie posters of the 60s and 70s

New Boots and… well, new boots.

Published
by
Jon
on October 18, 2006
in Shopping
. 2 Comments

Old BootsI’ve been looking for some new boots for months. My brother’s partner gave me my old ones several years ago. She was the wardrobe mistress on 28 Days Later and had a couple of pairs of Jim’s boots left over after the film finished. She gave one pair to the homeless and the other to me. They were made by Ecco and were the best boots I ever owned; really comfortable, light and beautifully designed. I wore them every day for four years.
Unfortunately, inevitably, they started to get smelly this spring and I realised I’d have to replace them. First off I tried Ecco but their shoes were now stunningly ugly and they seemed to have stopped making men’s boots altogether. I realised that I’d have to resort to shopping in shops.
I spent several fruitless lunchtimes and afternoons traipsing around the millions of shoe shops in Covent Garden and the West End. Price was no object, I was getting desperate. My boots were too smelly to wear in a studio and I didn’t own any suitable alternatives. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any boots even remotely like my fantastic 28 Days boots, I couldn’t even find any boots I liked at all.
I went back to the web. I found some quite-nice shoes made by Brasher but I wanted boots and I’ve always been reluctant to buy Brasher boots, not because they aren’t good, some of them are excellent, but because I was once friends with the woman who started the company and it seemed a bit, well, incestuous. Anyway, the only stockist I could find was the Natural Shoe Shop where you can wait hours to be served.
New BootsThen I had a break-through. Trawling through search results at some online shoe superstore I saw something very similar to what I was after. Tactical boots made by a company called Magnum. Another search led me to a company called Gladstone Boots, who supply boots for Policemen. Their footwear section is superb, I was spoiled for choice. After a quick phone conversation with the helpful Mr Gladstone about the merits of nylon side-panels I ordered a pair of S.W.A.T. 9″ Tactical Boots. They arrived this morning.
These boots are brilliant. They are lighter than my old Eccos, they are really comfortable, they won’t set off airport metal detectors and the toe cap “has a rubber bumper section designed to aid grip and protect the boot when climbing walls etc.” I can’t wait for their first outing, up to the school to collect my girls this afternoon. Let’s hope the Premises Manager has forgotten to unlock the gates.

Tilley Endurables

Published
by
Jon
on July 18, 2006
in Shopping
. 1 Comment

The correct way to wear a Tilley hat with headphonesWhen I volunteered to go on a trip for work to cover the end of the war in Yugoslavia back in 1995 my employers sent me on a very comprehensive Battlefield First-Aid course. A BBC journalist, John Schofield, had just been shot and killed in Croatia and they didn’t want anything like that to happen to me. I came back from the course feeling considerably less gung-ho and confident than I had before it, which was probably a good thing.

One of the many useful things I learned on the course was the importance of wearing a hat when you’re working in the sun. As I gathered up and learned how to use the new Inmarsat satellite equipment that I was going to take with me I spent my lunch-times shopping for appropriate clothes for the trip. In the YHA shop in Covent Garden they sold Tilley hats. Extremely well-made and solid feeling, they reminded me a bit of the hat that the scout is wearing on the cover of the early editions of Scouting For Boys. They are made in Canada, they have British brass ventilation grommets and they float. I also liked the sound of their guarantee - “If your Tilley hat ever wears out… we’ll replace it for free.” It didn’t feel like it would wear out but a guarantee like that is very encouraging and the hat made me feel somehow safer, so I bought one.

In the years following that trip to Yugoslavia I took my Tilley hat all over the world, on work trips as well as on all my summer holidays. Being rather distinctive it helped prevent me from getting separated from colleagues in chaotic situations and the fact that you could clip both sides of the brim to the crown with brass poppers made it ideal for wearing while standing in the hot sun with headphones on. It was one of my most essential accessories and I started to have a superstitious faith in it.

While making a programme about the earthquake in Gujerat it got quite badly stained with a mixture of sweat and the reddish dust from the fallen buildings. I never managed to wash those stains out and after a few more hot washes and a few more years of neglect the fabric on the crown of the hat finally gave way. I mended it but that made it too small for me and it would leave a red line across my forehead, making me look lobotomised. I realised that I would have to give it up and get a new hat.

Then I remembered the guarantee. I wasn’t sure that Tilley would be prepared to replace my hat; I hadn’t looked after it very well. I posted it off with a note of explanation and a few days later a box arrived containing a brand new one and a lovely note saying “Hope your new hat is as good a companion as your old one”! They even sent back my old hat since I was so fond of it. I am delighted. It needs a bit of wearing in, of course, but I already prefer it to the old one; it is a more gentle colour and it is such a good fit.

I haven’t tried any of the other travel clothing Tilley sell but I cannot recommend their hats too strongly and their customer service is clearly great. If you need a hat for the summer, buy a Tilley. You won’t regret it.

Tilley Endurables - The Finest Hats and Travel Clothing in the World

Internet Cameras Direct: A Warning

Published
by
Jon
on July 13, 2006
in Shopping
. 3 Comments

I usually register with sites using a unique email address based on the site’s name. It seems a bit paranoid but it means that if a spammer gets hold of the mail database from that site I can easily find out who gave my email address to the spammers. Today I got a spam email that was sent to icd@ditdotdat.org, an address I gave ages ago to Internet Cameras Direct. The spammers are a company called Ski Basics, selling cheap skiing holidays. The email contains a hidden image which links to a script and tells the spammer that I have read the email and that the address they’ve got from ICD is a valid one. So, don’t give your email address to Internet Cameras Direct or they’ll sell it on to spammers. Naturally that email address is already pointing at hostmaster@forfront.net who are sending and monitoring the spam.