Yes, that’s right, you heard me right. Driving around London in the last few days I noticed that at certain times there was a noticeable absence of scumbags, idiots and unsavoury elements. How useful it would be, I told myself, if one could predict these auspicious moments and arrange to be travelling or shopping when they occurred. Well, it can be done and with the help of a footballing enthusiast of my acquaintance (tip o’ the hat to Joe Lawrence) I have produced a handy chart which will enable you, gentle reader, to take advantage of the eerily empty roads, echoing supermarket aisles and quiet, pleasant high streets which occur during the transmission of certain games of particular interest to our less salubrious co-stakeholders.
The judgement as to whether or not a particular game will be deemed essential viewing is a complex business and depends to a large extent on the outcome of games not yet played so I will be producing a more complete version when my advisors are able to provide more accurate data, probably some time after the 20th of June. If you feel you can provide a more accurate insight feel free to alter your copy of the chart with a pen.
The chart is colour-coded for your convenience and contains no garish graphics or references to football so you can safely print it out and stick it on your kitchen wall without bringing down the tone of the place.
Click on the picture to download the chart.